


Two men are caught with a stolen wallet

by Treon



Category: White Collar
Genre: Gen, Jewish Humor, Logic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 15:22:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6962362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Treon/pseuds/Treon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neal teaches Peter about logical inference</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two men are caught with a stolen wallet

**Author's Note:**

> With much thanks to Mums The Word for helping me figure it all out.

It was a nice, sunny day. A day when spring started to colorfully announce its arrival. A day when Neal wished he could be outside, enjoying the fresh air, paper and pencil in his hand, sketching the beauty flowering around him.  
  
He got only half his wish.  
  
Peter had brought him along to Central Park, where they were both sitting on a bench, waiting to make contact with a whistle-blower who claimed to have damning information about a certain city department head who was awarding contracts in return for kickbacks.  
  
"Maybe he decided to back out?" Neal offered, looking dubiously around. Their corner of the park was generally quiet, interrupted only so often by a passing jogger or cyclist. Their contact was already ten minutes late and it didn't look like anybody was coming.  
  
Peter checked his watch. "He sounded pretty insistent on the phone."  
  
"He would, wouldn't he?"  
  
"Would you prefer we go back to the office so you can get back to analyzing those insurance fraud cases?"  
  
Well, if those were his options... Neal leaned back on the bench, stretching his arms. "Nope."  
  
Peter swallowed a smile. "I didn't think so."  
  
A few moments passed by in silence before Neal glanced over at his handler. "Peter, you know how you always say that good detective work starts by following the evidence trail and letting it lead you to the logical conclusion?"  
  
Peter had no idea where that came from. "Yes, of course."  
  
"What if your logical conclusion isn't the right conclusion?" Neal asked.  
  
Peter looked at Neal, suspicion written all over his face, but his CI just stared back at him with wide-eyed innocence. "You want me to go for the _illogical_ conclusion?"  
  
"What if there are _several_ logical conclusions?" Neal insisted.  
  
"Have you heard of Occam's razor?"  
  
"You know, Occam's razor can be misleading."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah. Let's take a theoretical scenario. Let's say you and Elizabeth take Satchmo for a walk in the park. It's a sunny day, and there's a nice breeze, so the humidity is not too heavy, and-"  
  
Peter rolled his eyes. "Can you just skip to the point, if there is one?"  
  
Neal wasn't happy about being interrupted. "I'm trying to set the scene."  
  
"Consider it set. Next." Peter glanced at his watch. He hoped the guy would show up soon.  
  
Neal realized he had to choose his battles. "Your loss. Okay, in any case, suddenly, you hear somebody shouting for help. So, being the gallant lawman that you are, you rush to to offer assistance and you discover they've been pickpocketed. The victim points to a man running away - you chase him through the park, until, finally, you round a corner and you find two men. You flash your badge and get them to turn out their pockets, and indeed one of them has the stolen wallet." Neal paused for dramatic effect. "Now, who's the thief?"  
  
Peter didn't understand why he had to suffer through this. "The guy holding the stolen wallet."  
  
Neal grinned. "That does sound logical, doesn't it? But a smart thief will never let himself be caught with the stolen goods. Once he realizes he's about to get caught, the pickpocket will of course slip the wallet into somebody else's pocket, so _they_ can take the blame. So the thief must be the other man."  
  
Peter sighed. "Are we done?"  
  
"No, how about we try another scenario?"  
  
Peter hesitated, which was enough of a 'yes' for Neal. "Let's say you and Elizabeth take Satchmo for a walk in the park. Suddenly-"  
  
His handler ran out of patience far faster this time. "Neal!"  
  
"Okay, okay." Neal held up a hand placatingly. "Hear me out. You chase a pickpocket through the park. At the end of the chase, you find two men, one has the stolen wallet. Who's the thief?"  
  
"You already said, the pickpocket slipped the wallet into the other guy's pocket."  
  
"Usually you'd be right, Peter, but you've got to remember that pickpockets rarely work alone, so the two men you caught are most likely working together. It doesn't matter who decided to take the fall this time."  
  
"Is there a point to all of this?"  
  
"Sure there is," Neal assured him. "How about we try one last scenario?"  
  
Peter looked around, hoping for deliverance. It didn't come. "Yeah, okay."  
  
"You chase a pickpocket through the park-" Neal could see Peter was about to explode and decided to skip the intro. "Yada, yada, yada. Who's the thief?"  
  
"Both of them are, because pickpockets work in groups," Peter intoned.  
  
"You know, pickpockets usually do work in gangs, but a real pickpocket would prefer to drop the loot rather than get caught. So in this case, neither was the thief, but while you stopped to check those men, the real thief got away." Neal announced, just a tad too gleefully.  
  
Peter gaped at Neal. "You said there was a point?"  
  
Neal cleared his throat, then produced a wallet.  
  
"Hey! That's mine!" Peter grabbed his wallet, riffling through its contents to ensure it was all there. "You stole my wallet!"  
  
Neal's smile wavered just slightly. "What did we just learn about drawing conclusions?"  
  
"Oh, excuse _me_!" Peter made sure his wallet was tucked safely back in its place. "I guess I should conclude that your invisible friend here," he gestured at an empty spot next to Neal, "stole the wallet, then slipped it into your pocket."  
  
Now it was Neal's turn to roll his eyes. "No. We conclude that your pocket has a hole, and your wallet fell out when you stopped by the water fountain."  
  
Peter checked his jacket pocket. "Damn." He raised his eyes to meet Neal's. "So... thanks?"  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
"Next time, you can just return the wallet, without the exposition."  
  
Neal grinned. "Now where's the fun in that?"  
  
"Talking about fun..." Peter glanced at his watch again. "An FBI agent waits for a source that never shows up. You know what's the conclusion?"  
  
"What?"  
  
Peter got up.  "That it's time to get back to insurance fraud."


End file.
